Saturday, April 18, 2009
1.00amyet another lonely night out here typing my blog.i seriously dont know what i'm doing was it right or wrong?loving someone is to see him happy, am i doing it for him?its a friday night , finally i dont have to turn up for work tmr again.such an tiring week ,neverlessly we could hit our daily target easily.finally off but wasnt feeling well today. my big aunty came visited me yesterday, making me in pain for the whole day. aiyah then slight fever in the afternoon but had recovered. thought i could spend my night with him but he didnt has the same idea as me. i thought maybe we can still go over to sz hse watch him play cs while i watch my drama too, but haix.. he chose fishing. i know he like fishing, and i allow him to go i wan him to be happy. but y is it that he cant mit me half way? he know how to say i go fishing then u wil b alone at home leh, u will be bored leh.. and i will go till morning leh. den i say ok u go loh. den since then y cant u say okok i go but i will be home early i dun go till morning k? i ask him is it that u must fish till morning can be home before morning. he told me but 4-6am is the best fishing time. i say den u go at 3+ loh. he say but must prepared everything mah. den i say ok nvm loh.. den again i ask again must u really go till morning? his face turn black and said to me if u dun wan me to go den u tel me or wat time wan me to b home den u tel me loh. den i say nvm lah nth lah u go loh.. am i in the wrong again? everyday whenever i finish my work i really hope to reach hm faster to see him, everytime i see him i reali wish that i can hug him but knowing that he would push me away i draw myself away from him. to see him everyday hug him have my dinner with him everyday is still the best rewards that i can have after every tiring day of work. but i know it only lies on me not to him. what more can i wish for? althoughi have to do all those chores myself but at least i can have my dinner with him. but really contented there's time he does help me in it too, if that happens it would b a sweet dinner for me.. but sometime the clumsiness of me would pop up end up making him angry. again he would scold me y cant always get thing right? just a simple thing and u're always messing things up. like dropping of spoon, forget to take someting, spill the drink or food, drop anything or the food on my plate end up letting benben baby eating it. i tink the sight of seeing me irritates him alot. everytime i saw couples whenever i'm working, i'm so envious of them.. i saw their bf hugging them.. sayang them buying things for them,helping them carrying things. i saw old couples bringing their childs out shouting laughing quarrelling.. but after everything they still hold each other hands and walk off.. father carrying the baby with 1 arm and holding on his wife hands with another arms. even elderly couples holding hands together buying grocessies together. i can only watch them from far envious them. day dreaming on my own, would i ever have this day?my dear, i really dont know what more should i do to make you love me? knowing that u really care for me, care for how i feel? am i just a passer by, u already know that i cant be the one ther's nothing more i can do to change you? coz the feeling you had for me had already fade but just holding on to me coz someone better hasnt appear? u told me that u're hoping to see that my attitude will change, but never did u felt that i have. coz all the things i do meant nothing to u.. it doesnt matters anymore. do u know that? u're finding excuses for yourself, i know you dont wana commit urself. but could u at least be fair to me? since u know i cant or wont b one y dont you just tell me and make things clear to me? y make things and life so miserable for me? u told me its not a matter of who she is, is u urself. if i wil to ask u this question, 5yrs or 10yrs from now u have everything, all that u wan car money career condo and everything u wish for. would u marry me ? deep now in ur mind do u really wanna be with me? do u wanna hold my hands till the day we die? most importantly r u happy i'm u r with me? will u forsake everything for me? i know the answer myself , although i always say i wana end this relationship but i always regretted after saying. even after we parted i get with other guys no one can replaced u. never did i like anione of them i just wana use them to get over u.. they may have all the materialistic things but all i wan is u. u can have nothing we eat bread, we share our 1 packet of rice,we take bus we take train we go windows shopping just lik in the past but at least we can b happy. though at times ther's thing bothering u as well. but we overcum things together. now we dont share things together that much, u dont tel me whats bothering u. everytime i tok seems to irritates u. making our conversation sound so deadly and boring.. is this what couples r like?
00:59; secrets.
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PROFILE
LYNN
simply a girl who love being pampered n doted on..
always letting her imaginations go wild.. easy agitated by the smallest thing n delighted by the simplest thing..
clumsy and silly.. all she hav is "butter fingers" breaking and dropping things is her hobbies..
secondly,"itchy hands n mouth" are part of her too.. she's juz an useless dumb in the world waiting for her big day to fall..
