1.46am
hiyah.. duno how to discribe my feelings now..
i juz ended my 2yrs relationship,feeling so lost..
love him so much but yet tis is the outcum..
we parted on last wed 26th Sep,i did the most unresonable thing..
i went up his hse in the afternoon when i was working to pack all my things n went off after that. buddy went to help me carry my things.
actually all this started wif one stupid misunderstanding..
he called me intially to tel me abt sales of N95,end up quarrelling wif each other.
we were toking abt money issue saying tat 400 shld b mine..
but he said is his,we fight..
he told me if i dun put in the money into UOB join acc,from tmr onwards we wil count our money individually..
but i heard him saying we wil go separate way n count our money individually..
frm ther i decided to go up his hse n take everything back..
i cum to tink back of wat he hav last done n i was so furious..
i reali cldnt get over it..
i tot he cld b the last guy for me,i tot i cld lead my life wif him..
i tot i cld do everything wif him..
wat i long for ,he have mek it cum true..
the one whom i hope wld buy a ring,a watch for me realli did fullfill my wish..
i'm so happy,so delighted..
but everything hav cum to an end..
its being cuming a week,but he's all along in my mind..
i duno hw am i suppose to get over him..
i miss him lik crazy.. i wana tel him i reali wana b wif him..
but how am i suppose to?
we hav so much to overcum.. can we reali mek it?
but i doubt he wld wana start everything afresh wif me again..
mayb its all juz my foolish thinking..
i went to view his friendster,i was upset..
i saw shumin was one of his frenz..
i noe i shldnt b unhappi nor anithin..
but i juz cldnt control my own feelings..
i saw his profile,he's single..
it hurts me more.. i noe he had alrdy tel himself to move on n forget abt me..
but i reali cant bring myself to do it..
i'm stil pinning hope tat we might get together again..
i duno if he feel tis way,but i'm sure rite now i stil love him so much so much..
always so deep.. only loving him more..
i reali wish to see him hapi.. but i myself wasnt able to mek him hapi..
i wana b someone important in his life nt someone juz to pass by to say hi and knowing i'm nt the one n say gd bye..
it simply hurts me so much..
i hav being crying everyday ,keep telling myself dun dwell on it animore..
he's nt meant to b mine,everything hav ended..
i hav put a full stop to it myself..
i love everything of him,juz his attitude n characters..
but loving someone hav to accept everyting..
i rem i did the biggest sacrifise for him into doing those deals to get the money for him n my family..
but tink rite now it meant nth to him,all mayb all along i'm juz a cheap slut or bitch..
lik wat he always used to say me.. a dead fish..
always meking him so paranoid after making love wif me..
my dear,i'm sorry.. i noe it's too late..
everything is over..
u hav chosen to let go ..
wat all i can is to blame myself...
i said the break up..
no matter how determined i was in the beginning..
how n wat i'm feeling is to get back into ur arms once again..
sayang u when u throw temtrums,cover blanket for u when u fall aslp..
hearing u snore while i play wif the com,getting scolded by u when i did the stupidest n clumsiest thing..although i tends to nag alot,complain alot..
but when i've leave u ,i reali miss those days..
fetching me frm work everyday,its a responsibilty of u to me..
bringing me frm places to places to search for food tat i wana eat..
buy food for me in the middle of the nite when i hav the craving..
so nice of u..
buying me porridge frm chinatown when i'm sick..
sometime i neglect ur gd points ,all i see is ur bad points..
i'm sorry..
i reali miss my times wif u.. thru out all this yrs of my life,u reali mean alot to me..
the one whom i wil reali go the extra mile for..
the one whom i wil reali willing to do almost everything..
i dream of him..
i think of him..
all of my mind is him n juz him...
now i noe no one cld had have him replaced..
he wil always stay the one whom i really loved..
i rem on tat nite when he came to my hse downstair,we chatted..we quarrelled.
after everyting we went to eat swensen,we share our food..
he feed me wif his baked rice,i feed him wif my chicken culet..
everything so fine so nice..
we share the ice-cream,wham yam wham?
so sweet..y izit sweet things always dun last long?
we went to watch movie "we now announced u as chucks n larry"
the show is so funny,we laugh our hearts out..i hug him in the cinemas..
hw i wish everything cld juz stopped n let it stay ther..
we went hm after tat,i msg him saying whether can we spend the nite tmr wif juz the 3 of us in hotel,he replied dun wan lah benben so big le later kana caught kns.
he told me actuali he wana bring me hm wif benben coz mama oso miss benben,den we juz stay inside the rm n its oso our world le..i was delighted so hapi when i heard it..
but i noe i cant.. haiz..
i rem him telling me tat he might b going australia the cuming yr ahead,upon hearing it my eyes automatically filled wif tears..
i'm so afraid ta he wil reali leave..
mama wana give him 5k for his studies in australia,but he haven mek up his mind..
i reali dun wan him to go..
i'm stil hoping tat one day we cld b together again..
juz one day,if fate reali bring us back again..
lik wat it had happen b4..
i reali wana shout out loud to him,plz dun give up on me..
plz carry on loving me,plz dun leave me b ther for me.. put on the last ring for me plz..let us hold each other hands til the end..can we change for the beta,i reali love you..i reali need u..my dear..
loving u is hard but leaving u is even harder..
i felt so lost without u..plz cum back my dear..