4.21am
haix..juz another boring night..
initially shld b going hm to drink soup but ended staying at hm watching drama..
who know aiyah its always lik tat..
he fall aslp while watching..its being lik tat for the past few mths which shld b going 2yrs..
things hav nv change!!!
he's always lik tat!!!! i'm juz so piss off!!!
i'm juz a servant to him!!!!!!!!!!!!
nt a gf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
a fucking nobody to him!!!!!!!!!
he instructs me to do things where he himself can do it too!!!
but y muz i b the one???
he's tired!!!!
always tired!!!!
aint i tired too???
he wans me to understand,hav he ever care to understand me?
hav he ever bothers to listen to me??
all tat he knows is" i'm tired,cant u b more understanding? y muz u always b so unreasonable??"
tats wat i am to him!!!!
i hav to obey n listen to wateva he say..
doing things my way wil only leads to his scolding..
he wil only sae i'm being unreasonable n insensible!!
always do things without thinking..
ya,even infact i'm lik wat he say does he bothers to reali tel me n guide me along..???
all he know is scold me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
saying those negative n nasty things to me..
raise his voice at me when thers time i reali didnt did it purposely..
all i get everyday is juz scolding..!!!!
n scolding!!!
when i hav a problem,does he reali bothers to help me resolve it?
does he bothers to me help me analsya it n find a solution to it??
all he noe is saying n scolding me,giving me indirectly sacratic remarks!!!
saying if like tat dun u tink tat lik tat wil b beta,u duno how to tink meh!
anitin u lik loh,i say so much oso no use!!!
since u tink tis way wat for stil come n ask me!!!
anyway u wldnt listen to wateva things i say!! so wat for telling u so many things,its useless!!!
tis is wat i always get!!!!
i'm reali sick n tired!!!
had enuf of all this shits!!!
everything tat u once promised me its all a lie!!!
when i cry,u scold me..
when i'm hungry i urge for food to eat..u scold me y am i always yearning for foods..?
i went wif u to supermarket,i wana buy foods tat i lik..u tel me do u noe u hav brought alot of things? do u noe u spend alot? y didnt u tink before u buy? y r u always wasting money?
y dun u noe how to b thrifty? y r u always spending things on unnessarily things?
cant u think? hav u ever think? duno wats on ur mind..
times n times.. day by day..
i'm scolded.. izit everything tat i've done are all wrong?
i hav to seek his permission before i cld buy anithin or else he wld b unhapi..
i hav to respect him..i hav to obey him..
but y cant he listen to me? hear wat i wana say..
sometime i oso dun dare to send him a msg saying i misses him.. coz i noe he wld say i always send n cal at the wrong time.. i rem he once said y r u sending me unimportant things when i'm bz at work..how wld i noe when wil u b bz,i juz wana tel u i misses u but all i get is scolding..
sometime i reali wana tel u how i feels inside..but u simply dun hav the time for me..
telling my friends will only irritates u,all i can is keep quiet..keep everything to myself..
even if i wil to tel u,u wil only felt tat i'm toking rubbish to u..lik wat u always say to me..i'm always toking rubbish nth sensible..
do u noe i feel inferior when i'm wif u..
i cant even hav the slighest self esteem to myslf..
coz i noe i'm nt a perfect person.. i hav alot of short-comings which doesnt appeals to u at all..
i hav got small boobs,a big tummy,big mouth,small eyes,bad complexion,bad skin type,i'm short n fat yet always still urging for foods.canot go out without make-up,always so clumsy in doing things always accidentally kicked ur bike,step onto ur hands,elbow u,hit ur spec,forget whr i put ur things,forgetting wat u told me to do,always unable to hear n understand wat u say,always doing the wrong things which sometime i reali didnt did it purposely.sometime i juz wana do n mek sometime for u,but i juz cant get the things rite..meking u so angry n pissed off..i'm sorry..
its nt tat i take sorry tis word lightly but it juz tat i always do things tat get u agitated .i reali dun mean to.
ya i admit thers time i reali needs ur attentions but i cant seem to get the attention tat i wanted..mayb u're right doing thing to attract doesnt mean u wil hav attentions u wil only mek things mor negative.u say tat i'm always giving up,aint taking our relationship seriously but u nv noe everytime i'm holding back too when we've conflicts n arguments..u wld only thought tat all i noe is to say breaking up but do u noe its hard for someone to voice it out when she love tat someone so much tat she noe he doesnt love her completely but all she wans is to b by his side..but all he do is to hurt her more n more without realising it himself. she endured,she keep telling herself he will change coz one day he wil noe how much tis gal love him..but everytime when they parted he wld treats her so nicely everything so fine n sweet..how i wish n hope things wil always stay this way..he once told me "actually he's able to do n treat me in tis way is juz a matter whether he wans anot" do u noe tis hurts n how she feels when she heard it?
i juz finish washing all my clothes,its alrdy 6.36am.
its juz another sleepless nite..
hearing he snores,lookng at him wif tears filled up in my eyes..
no one understands me..i love him..i hav always being..
but he dun seem to get me..neither does he wans me..
i'm miserable,i'm disappointed..i needed him so much but everything i do means nth to him..
3.44am its mt first blog or mayb second blog in my life.but its alrite,stop my bullshit!i'm juz so literally worried n upset,i duno wats wrong wif my little benben.
tis afternoon i noe she wasnt alrite but i got no choice but to leave her for work..
but i'm worried sick manx!
oh..reach hm abt 10+ seeing he laying motionlessly on the floor..OMG! plz dun scare me!!
althought she she wasnt the usual het that hops n jumps upon seeing us but i'm glad tat she's stil alive! thanks GOD!she was trying all her might to get herself up from the floor,i was so upset..tears filled up my eyes..i told deardear tis is how she is tis afternoon.we were both so worried nt knowing what to do.
luckily i called uncle peipei..uncle advises us to feed het water tat hav mixed wif glucolin.hopefully she'll turn beta tmr.but she's stil so weak at the moment.unable to stand feeling so weak.she seem no energy no strength at all..now sleeping beside me..she's my everything rite now..loving her more as each day goes..