11.00pm

i'm so confused.
all i know is seem so near but yet so far.
its like although we r living together but we dont know what's on each other mind.
so tired of the guessing game. so tired when you know you wont be the one.
so tired of holding to something which you dont know is the thing really for u? is he really into u? or just all out of rely?

i use to think letting go is the best choice to end all this pains and agony. but things is always easier said den done. i have come to a conclusion myself but i dont know how should i break the news to him. i wan him to know i'm nt just a girl who only know how to throw tantrums and nothing but just attitude. i wan him to know i'm a girl worth him to rely on for life, a girl whom he can get married with lead his life with. not the way what he've been thinking of me "COZ U GOT ATTITUDE PROBLEM!!, ALL U KNOW IS TO SHOW ATTITUDE!!!"

i know i'm imperfection, but who doesnt?
i will prove him wrong. even it's not him, i shall change myself for the better.

he told me is not a matter who is he with now, is not a matter whoever she is. is a matter that he himself dun wan get married at this age. he wanna wait till he have stablize his career his fiancial his relationship. i dont know how long can i wait, i dont know will he still need me by his side. i give myself till 17th sep 2010, through out this 1yr+ i hope we can each fight for what we can do. hopefully we can work thing out this time round, hopefully by nxt yr we should have an asnwer to ourselves..

deep down i know it myself i'm not the girl for him.. i know i'm throwing myself at him. i know he can just ditch me off anytime. but i just cant stop myself from loving him. after all this years, i still yearn for his love. but i know i dont hold a place in his heart. truth hurts but lies hurt even more.

my 21st birthday is the most heart breaking day through out all my birthday. i know i'm at fault who causes all this but after everything y is it that i'm stil unable to eat the cake that he brought for me? everyday i have been wishing to see a cake, a cake that he specially brought for me.. i dun mind if its small i dun mind if its not nice i dun mind if its just a small slice of cake.. all i wan is he brought the cake just for me specially for me. everytime we quarrel i mention it to him , evertime he promise me but it all ended in false hopes.. it hurts me most whenever this comes in mind.

22:59; secrets. Y