4.46am
i felt tat i'm being so useless..
cant even do the simplest thing tat gf shld do..
duno y.. actually today shld b a happy day for us..
but it seems lik i mek it turn unbeautiful..
didnt slept the whole nite til tis morning..
he woke up in the morning we had our breakfast, haha overnite food!
but stil taste delicious.. he brought "botak JOn" for me the pevious nite but didnt ate it til tis morining.. nice of him rite? but ytd was angry so didnt apprechiate it at first.. hehe..
we watch MOBTV together den soon i fall aslp haha when he called Starhub..
i told him loh wake me up when he's done but he didnt worx..
but his intention was gd coz i didnt slept the whole nite he wanted me to rest so didnt wake me up.. hehe.. hapi hapi hapi~ but when i woke up den i noe its 2pm le,kaox y didnt wake me up earlier sia? lik nt enuf time le.. i almost scolded him loh.. he told me he did wake me up juz tat i'm too tired tat y gt no idea of it.. den i noe hehe luckily i didnt scolded him.. lolx!! =P or else deep trouble!! ya tink he saw the msg tat lousi sent..but i didnt tel him abt it when i saw the msg.. am i wrong? tink so,but he didnt mention to me his either mah.. hiyah duno lah..
oh ya he noe i'm rushing for the interview he quickly go bath n sent me to my destination.. at 1st i even told him nvm lah u stay at hm to help benben to bath den i go over by myself,but stil he sent me there without fail.. hehehe.. hapi hapi hapi~
i went for my interview n he headed to his previous office to take vouchers.. coz he wana bring me go shopping.. thoughtful of him rite? tink its since sometime we last went shopping.. so he wana bring me out as well as he's off too wanna acc me.. he even went to my hse ther to buy me siew mai the 30cents siew mai so slurdup! den we went shopping but got nth.. deardear lik one of a PUMA jacket its 142 bucks,but i wasnt able to buy it for him.. so stupid of me i shld noe he need a jacket more den a watch mah.. yet i brought him thing tat he actually dun need it.. hiyah useless of me..til he came hm he's stil toking abt the jacket loh.. shld i buy it for him? but currently both of us doesnt hav a stable income.. shld i wait or get it to pleased him? but i noe if i'll to buy it he sure damn bloody wil scold me de loh,sae i waste money again coz i alrdy no money n he's running out of savings..shld i juz KIV? beta? when i got my job ok le den get him something beta? wil he b happier tis way? hiyah duno wor..
hiyah.. den the upset part came..
we went for movie den everything went fine til the stupidest n clumiest hands of me mek him angry.. reali didnt did it purposely, juz wanna feed him the bread who knows wil kana his mouth,den end up kana scolded..den i dun dare to feed him le.. aiyah always like tat de.. i was playing wif my hair den he got angry,my hair is messy mah.. gota tidy up mah,oso kana scolded "can u stop playing wif ur hair?"
really duno how can i mek him happy n maintain happiness.. ya she called him today asking for directions,ok he did told me when she called although i was uneasy but i told myself its ok mah they're friends mah.. dun tink too much.. i'm stil trying.. reali dun wana mek him feel stress up coz of my own inferior.. i noe she's much beta den me.. unlike me! got no figure no boob!!!!such a big tummy bad complexion cant even wear skirts n heels!!! even at hm oso have to wear shorts n t-shirt always meking him turns off towards me.. yet so short!!! eyes so small,mouth so big!!! uneven teeths cant even smile!!!! wanna go swimming complex oso dun dare to wear bikini n swimming costume!!! cant even swim!!!! alli noe is eat n eat n eat!!!!!!!!! look so ugly before or after make-up!!!!!!! so many scars!!!!!!! i'm reali upset.. i reali got no confidence in myself.. after our break up i calculate everything wif him..unlike her even mama say so.. she didnt even ask him to pay her the 400,but me? upon break up dig everything up n say.. she same age as me but she hav got herself a driving license me? cant even different shape left n right properly.. deardear once told me even in future we were to buy a car he reali cldnt put his mind on rest when i'm driving.. he's afraid tat i will juz call him n tell me today kana summons,door nv lock misplaced of things take long time to reach a place n having accidents..lata i break the mirror when parking or scratch the car when parking or driving.. i noe i'm juz useless.. always cant get thing rite..actually he oso right when he scolded me,i'm juz tat kind who need to b scolded.. she hav got so many friends round her but i got no one.. she came from wealthy family i came from lousy n poor family.. always asking me for money.. sometime i do wonder if she is stil tinking of him? or he is stil tinking of her too? he doted on he ma.. doesnt always me to bully him,ya mayb i'm too sensitive.. but i was tinking if they do stil feel for each other y dun they give each other a chance? she hav being looking for him even though they have broke off..in the beginning till now.. n i noe tis time round was him who went to look for her.. i didnt blame him.. n i shldnt too.. although he told me before he wld rather go for a new one den to go back to her,but when it come to love sometime thing are beyond control.. i was hurt by him times n times over n over but in the end i stil chosen him coz i noe i love him..even after everything.. i reali wana c him hapi if i cant b the one i sincerely hope he wil found someone beta.. if she's the one i hope she wldnt do things tat hurts him once before n neither things tat i had done.. am i silly or stupid?
i'm lost once again.. which way shld i go?
deardear.. i'm sorry.. i cldnt bring u the happiness tat u wana have..
but least i hope i cld b ther when u needed me.. mayb i wldnt b able to give gd advises but i wld b ther to hear u say.. i reali dun dare to tink wat wil we be in future.. but i wil try my very best.. we have to communicate but i'm afraid of quarrels.. i hav tink it over since i hav chosen u i shld reali restrain myself frm those unwanted disattractions..i wil learn to let go,plz give me time.. juz wana b with you..
